Don't Be a Pansy
by mickey
Summary: Maybe the angel watching over you wasn’t exactly the person you had in mind. Devotion at its deepest is always the most painful and frightening. Because perhaps Pansy loves him too much.


_**Don't Be a Pansy**_

Maybe the angel watching over you wasn't exactly the person you had in mind. Devotion at its deepest is always the most painful and frightening. Because perhaps Pansy loves him too much.

This is written Pre-Book 5. I had made the Weasley twins part of the prefects/Headboy staff. It just worked for this story even though I know they could never be that responsible

A/N: A story about probably the most bashed out character in fan fiction: Pansy Parkinson: Snape, Lucius, Draco, and even Voldemort have better portrayals- Pansy's either insignificant, a complete slut, obnoxious, or just purely disgusting. I guess I just wanted to give Pansy a personality and some internal dilemma. If you prefer stereotypes that don't give it a chance, but for those with an open mind....

You take a sharp right around that goblin statue. He gives you a lopsided grin as he rolls his eyes lazily while you walk by. Then meander through the stepping stone halls.

Be careful because you have to skip on every third step until the end where it goes to every other. Take a left when the hallway forks and then at the dragon portrait poke at the black beast and the picture will swing open. Unless, of course, you don't duck in time to miss its spurting, angry flames.

That's the way to the hidden back entrance of the Slytherin Common Room.

Pansy Parkinson stepped through the frame, which led into a darkened corner of the room. She smoothed out her wrinkled robes, before straightening her back proudly to march into the open.

A few scattered students were there, having opted to stay at school for the winter holidays despite for lack of reason. Reason being a school dance, which luckily, Pansy noted, there wasn't one this year.

School dances, Pansy wrinkled her nose in disgust, as she dropped her body unceremoniously on a leather couch. She had forgotten it was leather until she felt its smooth texture over her skin. Involuntarily, she yelped, jumping off the couch with hardly much dignity.

"Couches biting today, huh?"

Pansy glanced at Draco Malfoy. He watched her with his simplistic mocking eyes. She turned up her nose before draping herself next to him on a polyester couch that was a hideous shade of green.

"You know I hate leather...it's like I'm resting my body on an animal-"

"-actually it'd be the hide of a dead animal."

"Don't remind me," muttered Pansy with a shudder, glancing at the couch. "I still don't get why Professor Snape won't let me get rid of it- I mean no one does sit in it!"

"That's because if they do you rant about leather and fur and people get nauseated with the thought or with you talking so much."

Draco paused before continuing. "Anyway, you don't want to throw the couch away now do you, Pansy? Then the poor little dragon or cow would have been slaughtered in vain."

Pansy folded her arms crossly, but Draco wasn't finished. "And by the way why were you up so early? You know I did see you sneak out at 6 am through the back entrance since someone who will remained un mentioned's loud snores woke me up. And it's 11 o'clock now- where've you been for the past five hours?"

Pansy was dumbfounded. "Hey, the early bird gets the worm, you should try it sometime-"

"A worm? What would you ever want a worm for? I'll let the early bird keep it so he can shove the worm up his-"

"Draco, its not 11, it's 12! We're late for the prefects meeting! Can't you read time?"

Pansy jumped out of loveseat, dragging Draco with her. She paused before leaving the common room to give her face a quick once over with her compact.

Those spells had done wonders to the circles around eyes, but her hair was in a poor state. She frowned, observing the tangled mass of blond hair.

"Ick, I can't go to the Prefect's Meetings now! My hair!"

"Oh, hell, Pansy you're hair's fine and when were you concerned about being on time for those stupid meetings? It's not like anyone is here over the holidays or even what we say makes a difference- stupid Seventh Year seniority."

"Since that ass of a Headboy threatened that we'd be dismissed if we don't start coming on time," groaned the girl, shoving her hair up into a ponytail quickly. She muttered a quick spell to smooth out the wrinkles and alleviate some of the tangles.

"And I can't believe they made you a prefect, Draco, you should have more respect for those meetings. You know how important they are- hearing those thick headed Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws worship the ground Gryffndor spits on." Pansy gave him a smug smile. Draco just smirked at her sarcasm.

"I'm ashamed at myself too," stated Draco as the two made their way through the dungeon. "How disrespectful of me to not realize the importance of listening to the clone of a freckled Headboy on ways to make April Fools Day, a muggle loving tradition, an everyday practice."

Pansy smiled. "You should be ashamed."  
  
Draco laughed as the two rounding a blind hallway corner, smacked into two people. Collided, is a better word.

And they landed in undignified piles on the ground. When Pansy's eyes came to focus she realized she was sprawled on top of a relative of that ass of a Headboy. But for some absurd reason she forgot that he was a relative of that idiotic clone as she glanced at his bewildered expression from underneath her.

Pansy jumped quickly and hastily away from Ron Weasley, nearly smacking her own body back into the wall. He stood up too, ignoring her, to glare at Draco.

"You could watch where you're going!"

Draco was wiping himself off, muttering something about mud and trash on his new robes, in reference to Hermione Granger who picked herself off the ground with an immense look of annoyance. Ron caught his words.

Pansy jumped back, grabbing Draco by the shoulder when Ron lunged at him. "Why you piece of Slytherin scum! You bloody- "

Granger leapt in. "Ron, stop!" she snapped, stepping between him and the two Slytherins. "Quit over-reacting," she scolded.

'Like a prude mother,' thought Pansy, watching the girl with growing disgust as she addressed Ron. Pansy found herself involuntarily stepping closer to Draco.

"You'd better watch it Mudblood, if you can't keep your beau on his leash-"

She could feel Draco smirking.

"And you'll what? Are you going to sick your ferret of a boyfriend on me?"

Boyfriend? Oh, those thick-headed idiots.

Ron grinned, but Pansy kept her eyes focused on that pompous, obnoxious girl with her bushy hair. She was not going to get distracted. She straightened her shoulders, pulling Draco closer to her. "Ferret, great one, Granger, after the first 500 times you've mentioned it-"

"-and it still never gets old-"added Ron.

Pansy raised her chin, determined not to even look at him. "I'm glad to see how easily amused you all are, now if you'd excuse Draco and myself, we have a prefect's meeting to get too."

"Er...so do we," said Ron weakly.

"Then why were you going the wrong way?" asked Draco, speaking up, with a cruel suspicion in his eyes. Pansy shuddered at what he was implying.

"George sent us down to the dungeons to get you two since as usual you guys are a half hour late."

"Well lead the way," gestured Draco, and Granger walking in step with Ron made their way back to the meeting with Draco and Pansy following in their wake.

"And so as decided, the new school newspaper will begin with the chief editor being myself and Fred too."

The prefects laughed. Except for Draco and Pansy.

Pansy glowered. "Excuse me, but I don't quite see the democratic process in how you and your twin get to run your own newspaper. And all your staff suggestions are primarily exclusive of most houses."

"Would you like to take a vote on it?" snapped Angelina. "Because if you think that you'd make a better editor than we can have your democratic-"

"-I think what she means, Headgirl," drawled Draco, "is who died and made Gryffndor the fucking monarch of the whole school? More than 75% of your suggested staff members are from that one house."

"Hey, Britain is run by a monarch with limitations, and Hogwarts is run by the HeadBoy and HeadGirl-"

"Tyranny of the majority of Gryffndor assholes-"

"You know for the record England is a democracy- just not a republic-"

"Malfoy does have a point about this house over-representation-"

"Oh, shut-up, Hannah. You too, Hermione."

Draco just looked thoroughly annoyed. "Look, take the stupid newspaper, I know you won't change your idea-"

George grinned though. "Oh, no, no. Malfoy, I've decided to relinquish my position to you. Ladies and Gentlemen, Prefects of Hogwarts, I present to you the new editor- in-chief of Hogwarts' newspaper: 'The Pig's Snort'- Draco Malfoy! "

There was shock and then scattered applause, confused by the Headboy's actions. Draco looked befuddled, until he smiled. "Sure, but you know the name has got to go."

George looked offended and began to argue heatedly with Draco.

Pansy sighed. Why did she come to these meetings? So, pointless, such a piece of trash, and a waste of time-

-or not. She watched him, leaning back in his chair, growing bored with the idiotic debate, drumming his quill softly on the table. Pansy bit her lip. 'Don't look at him' she scolded herself. But then that's what she loved about the prefect meetings: she was able to look at him, watch him without having to be too discreet.  
  
Pansy knew she had become obsessive in her 2nd or 3rd year over him. Like one day she didn't care, she was an independent girl, and the next, she became dependent. Dependent on accidentally running into him in the halls, to seeing him sleep snoring softly-

She tore her eyes away from him to regard Draco, pink cheeks enraged as he futilely argued with the Headboy and his clone. Of course, everyone thought she was in love with Draco; that she clung to him like a sick puppy. Pansy laughed to herself, knowing that was hardly the case.

She liked Draco in a friendly almost brotherly sort of way. He wasn't bad looking, he had nice eyes, and a wit and a sense of humor that matched hers. Of course when Draco had realized that she was in love with Ronald Weasley- he hadn't been too happy. Not as much jealous as angry that she'd get a crush on 'the most pathetic excuse for a wizard.'

But then Draco had helped her. He asked her to the Yule Ball last year, allowed her to cling to him in some stupid attempt to make Ron jealous despite Draco's misgivings.

Pansy knew inside it would never happen just as Draco did, but he entertained her. Why? Pansy felt her insides churn when Ron leaned in to whisper something in Granger's ear. Granger bit back a smile and told Ron to pay attention. Ron just grinned.

Pansy looked away. Why was she wasting her time? She liked him, not because he was tall, freckled, laughed until milk came out of his nose, had this maddening grin, could sprint faster than any other 5th year, was charming in a boyish, childish way, had the nicest thighs, or possessed such a loyal heart, willing to denounce anyone-

No, no. It was more than that.

Ron was smiling shyly at Hermione while she just looked annoyed. Pansy wondered if they were playing footsie under the table. She shuddered at the thought.

It wasn't exactly fair, was it? How was Hermione Granger deserving of Ron? She could hardly even stand him, the stupid mudblood. Pansy's anger towards Granger had only grown as Hermione and Ron had become better friends.

Draco and the rest of school was convinced there was something going on with Hermione and Harry, but Pansy knew better. Harry wasn't the real prize, although Pansy wished Hermione would find him that way.

But Hermione didn't.

She knew, and could Hermione tell that Pansy liked him? She wondered if the Gryffndor girl knew of her deepest secret- but she doubted it. Hermione thought that Pansy just bashed her because she was cruel, not with even a possible reason.

Stupid Gryffindors.

Draco, angered as usual at the Headboy paused in his argument to glance at Pansy to see her of course gazing at Weasley.

He stiffened, watching her admire something so undeserving of her affections yet so out of reach. Gryffndors thought Pansy Parkinson was pure trash, or a phony girl who was in love with him, Draco Malfoy.

Gryffndors had never been ones for perception nor insight. Or they would see why Pansy was so head over heels for Potter's sidekick.

Not many people know Pansy...

Draco could remember when they were six. How Pansy had bragged to all their friend witches and wizards of how her father had promised her a pony for her birthday that all the kids could ride, and tickets for them to see a real circus.

Draco could remember Pansy's father and his light blond tufts of hair, his skin always toned and tan even in the dead of winter-

He remembered the day of Pansy's birthday, when he had arrived most of the guests were already there with Pansy's mother.

They waited for Pansy's father to pull up with the promised pony and circus.

He came a few hours later in a convertible. Pansy ran up to him, blond hair bouncing, asking curiously where her pony was...

The man just smiled and ruffled her blond curls, "Happy Birthday, sunshine-" He waved at his wife, and drove away.

He never came back.

Pansy just stood there, her large eyes confused, watering, but when she turned to see her mother angry- she knew she'd never see him again.

Apparently, it'd been some affair-

"Well, Mr. Editor-In-Chief, Malfoy, I see we have reached an agreement."

Draco was jolted out of his thoughts back to reality where the Headboy was giving him an obnoxious grin with his overly freckled face.

"If you call this an agreement then sure."

George grinned. "Democracy is for American twits, Malfoy. You and your pureblood ideals should appreciate monarchy."

Draco stood up. "And yes- let's all sing another round of 'God Save the Queen'!" He shook his head before walking away. "I'm out of here." The sight of Gryffndors and Pansy moping over Weasley were too much for him to bear. Really.

Angelina flicked him off. George sighed. "Now that we have that scum out of the way let's move on to the important business....April Fool's Day is four months and three days away. We have to start planning NOW!!"

And so continued another joyous, productive Prefects Meeting that Pansy had to suffer without Draco's company.

"I swear it nearly killed me."

"Good to hear that I was missed," smirked Draco. He and Pansy were walking towards Double Potions together. Hogwarts was back in session. Like always the class was with Gryffndors. It wasn't as if Dumbledore could add any variety to class scheduling.

Pansy strided quickly noted Draco much to his amusement. He knew why. He knew too much really.

Knew too much about all she did for him. Weasley. That weasel.

She woke up early nearly every morning to sneak into his room and watch him sleep. She knew his class schedule by heart. Knew where he was at possibly every breathing moment.

When everyone else forgot his birthday, it was Pansy who had sent him an anonymous birthday card with a picture of the Chudley Cannons waving. It had their original signatures. It was her. And it made Draco sick to his stomach.

He glanced sideways at her. Her chin was held proud and high. Her nose- someone had once made reference to it being pug-like? Well it wasn't tiny and dainty. But it was one of those noses with character.

To everyone else she was the picture perfect model of what a stereotypical Pureblood daughter of a Death Eater should look like.

But Draco had long ago decided that everyone else meant nothing. They knew nothing, saw nothing, and yet said everything. Thought they could know someone without stepping into their two inch, one size too small platform shoes?

But what about him?

Did Draco think that Pansy was pathetic? That she was true to her name?

Draco paused in thought as they reached the doorway to Potions. He then paused in motion to stop Pansy from going in. He could hear familiar voices approaching.

Draco watched Pansy's eyes widen in fear as she sensed the Dream Team approaching. He watched her tense, trying to push by him to slip into her seat quietly.

Was she really a pansy?

Draco tilted his chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Get a room, Malfoy."

Draco pulled away to see Granger, Weasley, and Potter. He could only smirk and drag an astounded and upset Pansy into Potions.

As soon as she sat down Pansy turned to Draco and hissed: "What the hell did you do that for?"

Draco looked nonchalant. "What?"

Pansy's face looked at him with distaste before turning away. "You bastard." She unconsciously studied Ron from where he sat across the room.

The redhead was talking away with Granger and Potter. But then, wait a minute, had he paused to shoot a glance her way? Not Draco's way, but hers? Not giving Draco his typical scornful look? Had he looked straight at her for just a second? Looked into her eyes, her soul?

"Give it up."

Pansy cringed at Draco's voice whispering in her ear. It's not like she could be too mad at him. He had been tolerant of her crush...no, her obsession, for years. He knew just like she did nothing would happen.

But how could she admit it to herself?

Snape walked into the classroom then with his robes billowing even inside without wind. He always had craved a dramatic entrance. It reminded Pansy of Darkwing Duck.

Draco sighed. This was utterly hopeless. And pointless. He shook his head. He was sick of it. Just ignore her. Ignore, ignore...

Snape was giving one of his typical lectures about some stupid potion. Old. Very dangerous. Pay attention. Blah...blah.

"Okay let me divide you up in groups."

Pansy suddenly was paying attention.

"Malfoy with Potter, Weasley with Longbottom, Granger with Parkinson....."

Pansy frowned. Nothing would ever seem to go her way.

She watched Granger approach her cautiously. Pansy's frown turned into a scowl as Granger sat down next to her.

They talked very little. Pansy didn't have the energy to pick a fight with her. She was tired from spending half the night in the Gryffndor boy's dormitory.

As the potion was simmering Granger suddenly looked distressed. "Professor, we don't have any unicorn hair!"

"There's some in the back closet. Parkinson you know where it is. Top shelf. Get enough for the class."

Pansy nodded as she trudged her way to the back closet. You had to go through the door that led to the main storage hall, and then go in the 2nd door on the right, and through the back door. It was a small, little room that had Snape's most precious ingredients. And of course only Slytherin prefects knew the password.

"Dragonhide."

Pansy cringed as she said it out loud.

The door swung open.

It was dark. Pansy muttered a lumos spell as she looked around for the jar of unicorn hair. Snape had put protection spells on all his ingredients so no 'Wingardium Leviosa' spell could easily take them all. Pansy groaned as she fetched the step ladder.

The stupid, goddamn top shelf. Things couldn't possibly get any worse. But then suddenly they did

She was on the top step, leaning on her tip toes trying to reach the glass jar. "Almost...."

Then suddenly she leaned too far, losing balance. Pansy tried desperately to steady herself without knocking over Snape's precious ingredients. She bit her lip as she could feel herself falling backwards.

She braced herself for the impact with the cold, stone floor.

Instead, her body fell into something warm and soft. Pansy closed her eyes, sighing in relief. She felt arms encircle her body, tightly and securely.

Even too securely.

Pansy's eyes opened suddenly, widening in fear. Those weren't Draco's graceful arms holding her. No, oh no....

They were unmistakably.... 

"You're lucky I walked in right when I did."

Pansy caught her breath. Ron. He was standing there, a little awkwardly. He was still holding her, unsure of exactly what to do.

Pansy swallowed. She had only had dreams about being this close to him, about him holding her.

"Um...are you okay?"

Pansy snapped out of her reverie. She had to get a hold of herself first.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." she said softly, afraid. They had never been alone. There had always been a quarrelsome Draco or a meddling Granger. Or an abrupt Potter. Never just them. Not even a moment. She slipped out of his arms quietly, although her body was protesting.

Ron was studying her. She could feel his eyes. It scared her. And fuck it, he could so easily tell.

He grinned. "You're not so brave now without your boyfriend are you?"

Pansy paused, confused. "My what? –oh!!" She let out an almost sad laugh. "Draco is most definitely not my boyfriend." She turned away to make her way back up the step ladder. Have some dignity, Pansy!

"Really? Unless something's wrong with my vision I saw you two going at it barely thirty minutes ago." Ron looked up at her. Pansy hid her face so he couldn't see the faint blush on her cheeks.

She shrugged. "You can't always believe what you see." She returned to the task at hand: trying to get the Unicorn hair from the top shelf. Pansy was trying desperately to ignore Ron's presence. She could feel him breathing softly behind her. She bit her lip. Concentrate.

Suddenly there was movement from behind her. Pansy turned only to find the redhead standing next to her on the small stool. Her back was practically pressed against his chest. It was all she could do to keep from melting. Instead she watched him- like she had spent years doing- watched him reach for the jar. He did it with ease. She watched him place the jar down on a table. However, he still stood on the stool with her.

What the hell is he doing? Pansy's mind was working double time. She turned in place, very carefully so she could face him.

She needed to take initiative.

Their bodies were barely inches apart. Pansy boldly balanced herself on the stool by grasping Ron's shoulders.

He looked surprised, but didn't say anything. She continued to stare at him, memorizing his face. Every single freckle.

She couldn't let opportunity pass her by forever.

"I like you a lot more when you don't have Granger attached to your side." Pansy had hardly trusted herself to speak.

"You know I like you a lot more when you aren't glued to Malfoy."

She couldn't be this passive person all her life.

Pansy lifted an eyebrow. She smirked at him, but on the inside she was falling apart. Her heart was pounding. Now or never.

She needed to be brave.

"Ron..." She closed her eyes so she couldn't see the surprise on his face by her saying his first name. What did it matter what she called him anyway? Ron? Weasley? Names don't matter. What's in a name? Nothing, nothing....

"Ron..."

She couldn't be a pansy.

"Yeah?" He practically croaked. His throat was suddenly very dry.

She could do this.

She felt herself leaning up on her tiptoes, pressing her body against him, forcing him to grab her to keep from falling off the stool.

She wasn't a pansy.

She tilted her chin up. She could feel his breath, coming unevenly full of Butterbeer and cinnamon. And something else too- something just for her to know about...

Draco had been wrong. He thought it would never happen. Thought she could never do it.

She was going to show him.

She wasn't pathetic.

She was ambitious. That's what she was. A Slytherin

Pansy decided that as she closed the distance between them. What was left at least.

She could feel his hands stroking her, first her hair then her shoulders then her back. He was eager and an enthusiastic kisser. Just as she thought he would be. Just as she dreamed he would be. She felt his tongue against her teeth, begging for entrance. She granted it.

It was perfect until he started kissing her neck.

And then she started speaking.

Overcome by his intimacy, she let it spill. I love you wasn't the only words that fell from her mouth. Everything did: her crush, her secret romance that she thought would never be a reality. The truth. She hadn't realized what she had said until he pulled away to stare at her.

He was looking at her like she was.....like she was insane.

What had she done?

"You're in love with me? You're a...stalker?" His voice was filled with disbelief- and what else- even disgust?

"No- I mean- yes...it was me. I gave you that birthday card."

She watched his eyes widen. "You mean the one with the Chudley Cannons' signatures?"

She nodded.

"I can't believe it was you- Pansy Parkinson."

She shuddered, looking up into his face. She knew he wasn't perfect. She never wanted him to be. To love someone you had to love their flaws too, you couldn't love them despite their flaws. You had to still embrace them.

He sat down on the stool, shaking his head. He was in shock.

Pansy bit her lip, she was blinking hard to keep the tears from spilling out of her eyes. He didn't understand. He would never understand.

She loved him.

She was afraid even of how much she loved him.

So, afraid that it made her a pansy.

She reached for her wand. As she did so she could hear a voice coming. "Ron? Where are you?" It was Granger. "Pansy? Where's the unicorn hair?"

She knew what she had to do.

She pointed the wand at him. At his beautiful body. That she worshipped. That she adored. Even though he'd never return the feeligns.

He'd never understand how much she loved him. How could she bear that?

He jumped up suddenly.

"What are you doing?"

The tears were threatening to come.

"Pansy! Drop the wand, please!" His voice was desperate, pleading, and begging her even. Almost.

She had to do it. There was no other choice.

Ron looked frightened. His skin paling as she stepped towards him.

Don't be a pansy.

But that's what she was, wasn't she?

That's what she was doomed to be.

"_Obliviate_."

As the words left her tongue she saw Ron's face change. He knew what she was doing. What she was making him forget.

Granger opened the door suddenly.

What she found was a rather puzzled looking Ron, and Pansy Parkinson holding the jar of unicorn hair with authority.

"What took you so long? We need to add the hair to the potion."

"Out of my way mudblood!" It was the only response Pansy could say as she pushed her way past Granger, so she couldn't see a tear escape. She blinked furiously.

"Come on, Ron. I can't believe how obnoxious Pansy is." She could hear Granger mutter.

Pansy returned to the classroom. Draco shot her a curious glance, but Pansy avoided him. She finished the potion with Granger, refusing to say another word to her.

And later that day when Draco asked her what had happened between her and Ron in the supplies closet she was silent.

And Draco looked at her with extreme disappointment. "I convinced Snape to send Weasley after you, so you two would be alone, and you let a chance like that slip by?!" He was almost angry.

She ventured a glance up at Draco.

"Maybe some things like stolen kisses in a storage closet are easily forgotten."

He quirked an eyebrow at her and then sighed, beginning to understand. "Fuck those stupid forget-me-nots."

He slumped down on the polyester couch knowing better then to even try the smooth leather recliner. She sat down next him.

He didn't say a word when she buried her face into his shoulder.

He didn't say that Pansy was hiding. He didn't call her a pansy then. A weakling. A wimp. A sissy. A coward. A chicken.

A pansy.

But that's what he was thinking.

La Fin

I wanted to write this after I read the millionth fic that completely bashed Pansy. I thought she picked on Hermione more than anyone else and this could be a reason why. Just something different.

**I'd be kind of you to review!!**

salutes


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